My 24th week at college

Welcome back! Yes you did read right - I have missed out 3 weeks...I hope to post them retrospectively - but given my track record I might have to admit defeat.

So what have we been up to?

Synoptic gospels
First things first, "gospel" means "good news" for those that don't know and the synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark and Luke) are three gospels that are similar and can be put together to make a single story (ie form a synopsis).

So the real question is why are some stories in different orders? Is the bible wrong? This was fab looking at this - basically the gospels were a totally new genre of literature at the time (and are certainly different to modern day writing) - they are not biographies but rather written sermons - hence the stories of Jesus' life are used as illustrations to preach different sermons by the different authors. This is also part of the problem of people just reading the stories as they are not the point...fascinating!

So we were looking at the story about Jesus crossing the Sea of Galilee in Matthew 8:23-27 uses it to show the cost of following him out into the unknown (hence all the previous stories about the cost of following Jesus), whereas Mark 4:35-41 uses it in the context of showing that Jesus is King (as parables about the kingdom, then calming the storm - so king over nature, then king over demons, then over the sick and then over death).

He finished off with a challenge to preach the whole gospel - not just give John's gospel of being born again and whoever believes in Jesus will be saved but, say, Mark's gospel of "repent" and "take up your cross and follow me". We need all of them to get the full picture.

New (well new to me) scooter
Well with one month left on the MOT before a need to spend a lot of money to get it through (and that's without resolving the ongoing starter problems) I went hunting last weekend and test driving various 125cc scooters and finally bought a secondhand Honda FES125 - here's a picture of someone else's red one:



Serving and stuff
Our group cooked the meal for the college this week (Lasagne and apple crumble - no not mixed together! )

Yet another quiz at tumbling bay for the residents.  You can tell they've got used to us by the way they told me straight that they didn't want another logic round as it hurt their heads...

Reflections
After doing something that I wasn't proud of, I was wrestling with God on the way to college - I wanted to repent and be right with God but "if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" just wasn't cutting the mustard - whilst it's true I wasn't finding freedom in it - so I was asking for the "right" words to say to help bring real change in my life and in desperation I asked "what do you want God" and I felt the answer come back "I want you".

Man! I'd got so caught up in "doing" stuff for God!  Is it that sometimes I feel unworthy so I try to do "good" stuff that He'd like?  But He actually likes me and He wants me - not my stuff!  The right thing to offer is me!  Doh!

My 20th week at college

Well started the week with putting petrol in our diesel car...which was £300 worth of trouble. that Jennie (my wife) forgave me really highlighted how petty I have been in the past with forgiving her (very small) monetary errors...

Minor prophets
This week were looked very briefly at each of the minor prophets in the bible: Jonah, Obadiah, Zechariah, Micah, Joel, ...

Have to confess I don't remember too much as I was not entirely present in my head.

Tony Gray who led the sessions felt He had a word from God for me (bear in mind as a visiting speaker he knew nothing of my past four weeks of hell):

"God is honing you through hardship to form a sharp tool in His hand"

Conference
The last weekend before reading week was the "European Leaders Conference" which we were able to attend and hear some great speakers...and we got a great rate as we were helping out - and how? Well the group I was in was cleaning the toilets.

We had John Kirkby from Christians against Poverty telling a bit of his life story of how he became bankrupt and divorced and couldn't afford to look after his children. How he has been called to create a Christian debt counselling charity. Who help people with budgeting and take on the big firms and get them to stop charging interest and provide an affordable payment so people can get out of debt and seeing lives set free from oppression. Inspiring! I so want to use my maths in this - and I think our sister church is setting up an office in Witney...watch this space.

We also had Baroness Cox speaking on her work with The Humanitarian Aid Relief Trust (HART). I have to confess I'd never heard her speak or heard much of what she does - but I was overwhelmed. She might talk a bit posh - but her heart and her actions were so down to earth. She showed us photos of her work, sneaking across borders to reach people who are oppressed and persecuted where the major aid agencies don't go because it's too dangerous and also who don't make the headlines. I had no idea about some of the injustices going on even in Europe. I have so much respect for her and hope to be able to support this group in whatever little way I can. Her finishing quote:

I cannot do everything, but I will not do nothing.

Preach it!

Also had Krish Kandiah talking about proclaiming the gospel and the way he seeks to make a difference in his community by, for example, reaching out to Muslim refugees who are ostracised from the Muslim community because they are the minority group. And Glen Middleton who is an very brash American who, I have to confess, made me cringe about how, for example, he would walk into funerals to tell people about Jesus . But in the last 10 minutes I saw his heart as he spoke of how he works amongst prostitutes bringing God's love and acceptance to them (even fostering their children at their request) I realised that this man is totally sold out on bringing hope to people in hopeless situations. Even though my Britishness finds the things he does outrageous I can't deny the effect God has had on people who were destitute before they met our God. Much to think on...

And the toilets? Well I have to say it was a pleasure - it was probably this service that helped me see beyond my small life. God is so good. And doing things His way brings so much more joy than my way...you'd think I would've learnt by now...

My 16th, 17th, 18th and 19th weeks at college!!

Sorry for the delay - but as you'll read it's been a pretty traumatic time and I'm only now starting to come above water...

Week 16
We were looking at Genesis the beginnings of who we are and our identity, purpose, what it means to be made in the image of God and so on.

Jen's eye had been hurting more and more over the week and so she saw the nurse, the doctor, the optician and was then referred to the eye hospital the following week...

Our cooker's oven broke and were offered one from someone in the church network. As we were installing it then oven door smashed...so had to go back to the old one (which doesn't work..)

Then on the Sunday we got a flat tyre (special shout out to Tom & Leila England who ferried us back and forth whilst I eventually filled it with gunk).

Then the front door lock broke and so we had to get a locksmith out.

Week 17
Studying Exodus at college - don't remember too much as was a bit traumatised...

Got the tyre replaced - though later found out I could've just replaced the inner tube...:(

On Tuesday took Jen to the eye hospital where she was tentatively diagnosed with optic neuritus - told it is a swelling of the optic nerve that will result in pain and loss of vision - takes about 3 weeks to recover. Not able to take anything to speed up the recovery nor anything that will really cut the pain as she's pregnant.

Fell off my moped on the way to college on Thursday I think. Got hurt.

Good prayer time - with Joe being very prophetic speaking to me - saying "is there a spirit of self-pity?" and he was so spot on. I want to be the martyr and have everyone notice me and go poor John. Glad to get that nipped in the bud.

Realised on Thursday night that with the 3 essays that were concurrently set, the increased pressure trying to pick up Jen's jobs and all the things that had gone wrong that I was beginning to go over the edge and recognised the signs of depression that I got before from post traumatic stress (disinterest in life, observing myself from the outside, emotional bursts, suicidal thoughts, poor sleep and so on). Had to write a humbling, honest but releasing email to Simon, our principal to say that I was struggling and wanted to quit as I wasn't coping. He responded incredibly fast and said that we'll meet up next week and restructure assignments and the like. It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Friday went to the hospital (again) for our 20 week scan. Here's a new improved picture of our jelly bean (with a flipper!):

Oops!  Forgot to mention - found out he was a boy...very clear from the scan!

Week 18
Studying "Lessons in leadership" with Mark and Nesta Mumford. Whilst not a rigorous analysis of 1 & 2 Samuel, they did share their vast experience of leadership with us. It was great to spend time with such humble and wise people.

Met with Simon, our principal and Dave, our dean and got 2 week extensions - very emotional time for me. Realised just how hard it is for me to ask for help. I try and be so strong - praise God for this time to realise how we can't solve everything ourselves.

The church has been rallying round providing meals and company for Jen. It has meant such a lot to us. :.

Another hospital visit on Tuesday the diagnosis was confirmed though the recovery was increased from 3 weeks to 6-10 weeks and it'll get worse before it gets better. :`(

Also Jen confirmed that it is a possible symptom of multiple sclerosis. Had to make a hard decision to have an MRI scan or not...as may have the disease but it may never manifest and if it does it may take many years and may then only be mild. So if we find we do have it will it then put a cloud over everything. I would've preferred not knowing. Jen wanted to. So backed her up - should have a scan in 6-8 weeks. Pray for us.

Remember that if you pray for God to help love your wife more he won't give you sentimental feelings, but put you through situations that test your love - then it can only die or grow. I'm wanna go for grow.

Oh and then the dishwasher packed up. Is there any appliance that hasn't broken? This has got to be funny - as otherwise I'm just crying lots...:**:

Week 19
Tony Gray doing the prophet Isaiah and how it speaks to our current situation big time.

Had another flat tyre on Tuesday night (same one - another screw - is someone vandalising our car?)

Saw "slumdog millionaire" with the college. Moving...what was the message?
Dishwasher repair man (coupled with sell-you-a-warranty-man) came and fixed the heating element.

Dishwasher broke the first run.

Is this funny? :no:

Was "bushwacked" by Simon, our principal and Mary to chat about how I'd handled myself in the genetics and image of God seminar. I confess it's hard to be rational when the possible ramifications of conversation imply that your two unborn children may not be "in the image of God". But they were right. It was hard. But they were right. Did I really pray that I would mature during this year? It was also hard being "disciplined" (in the most loving way possible) as I have very poor images of authority and have had some bad experiences (ask me about what my head said after I went in tears to his office to tell him that my wife had been diagnosed with clinical depression and admitted...) - so it was so easy to hear only bad things - but good to pray and ask that God would heal this whole area.

Finally finished my overdue essay on sexuality. Looked at "one flesh" and the marriage relationship - how it is a picture of God's relationship with us - in fact Jesus used the very same phrases a bridegroom would use - it was mindboggling how it all ties in. And is sex meant to be an image of our reunion when Jesus comes back? Oh yes.

Much snow meant school was closed and so needed to stay at home and support Jen (sounds so magnanimous I know!) So helped the kids make a snow man, a snow cat and an ig (Can't be an igloo as it had no toilet! :)) )


So where are we now? Well Jen is slowly starting to recover but it's so easy when she feels better to try and do too much then she gets blinding (no pun intended) headaches and needs to cover both eyes for a couple of hours. However she is learning to accept help - and that's a big thing for Jen. And me? Do I love Jen more? Yes. Would I want to repeat these last four weeks? Definately not.

Ho ho!  The fun continues - filled up our new diesel car with petrol yesterday.  An expensive mistake to make draining, cleaning and replacing the fuel pump and fuel...

My 15th week at college

Hello there...well so much for keeping up with the weekly posts - so here's a very short entry and the following week will follow swiftly...honest!

Spiritual Formation
Well term started on Monday 5th January and it was all go with 3 days of Spiritual Formation with Michael Neumann (from a bible college in South Africa).

At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves.
George Orwell

Basically he was talking about too many Christians who meet Jesus as their saviour but miss out the journey of discipleship that follows this initial event. For example 80% of Rwanda called themselves Christians and yet there was a genocide that killed 500k. Clearly there is something very wrong here (for those who want to follow this up do read "After the locusts" detailing God's work in reconciliation and healing of a very broken people - a very powerful and moving read).

He distinguished between the work of the cross (that brought us forgiveness through the death of Jesus) and the way of the cross (that brings us holiness through the death of our selfish "fleshy" self). The journey to become Christlike - not so that we look good but so that we give God glory for the way He is changing us and so that we can serve Him better.

Prophecy
As Sarah Fotherby said "Michael is so prophetic it's not funny".

Michael had many "words" for the group which were uncannily accurate given that he had never met us before this week. One morning we were working with clay to see whether God would speak to us through what we made. He made a pair of dice and said "John, God is saying that you have lived too much by chance..." He then carried on and I was thinking that this really isn't me at all - but he did say John and is looking almost straight at me "...God wants you to be intentional about how you live..." the more he talked the more I thought this is SO not me - this sounds exactly like Jon Kennedy - perhaps he's got confused. This carried describing Jon and not me more and more. He then walked over...past me...to give them to Jon who was sitting directly behind me.

But then he made a batton and looked straight at me and said "You've been on the receiving end of this in your life..." Man! This is so true! And then said "but God's going to make this into a sceptre. He wants you take up the authority He's given you". I was blown away - it was so apt how I have shied away from authority (except when I'm arrogant) and feared having that position.

I think these words were more powerful because each time he described the person's current situation spot on (and so got our attention) and then said what God wanted for us now. Scary but fab.

The sad part was because these were so obviously powerful, it became a bit like a secular Christmas...people all wanting their word from God. Which was a bit sad really.

Reflections and life
It was a bit of a hectic week - my bike didn't start on Sunday so called the RAC. They fixed something (a wire that was shorting) and it seemed to work. Worked...ok(ish) on Monday but didn't start on Tuesday. Took it to the garage and they eventually replaced the battery on Friday but thought the carburettor had trouble so referred me to the local Piaggio garage....

Also Jen's eye has been getting more and more sore so eventually she got taken to the nurse, then the doctor, then the optician and then finally I took her to the hospital eye ward. They thought it might be optic nuritis but wanted us to come back next Tuesday as nothing was visible.

Really felt that God was saying "don't pray for me to come into this situation...I am in this situation, instead pray that your eyes would be opened to see me working". Need this.

My (very belated) 14th week at college

Welcome for the belated instalment of the last week of the autumn term...

Trinity
This week we were spending three days trying to get our head around the Trinity (the idea that God is one, yet there is God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit).  This causes so much confusion as we're really struggling with trying to understand the complexity of God with our tiny minds.  To me I loved the ancient approach to this issue:  God is love and so necessarily God is a community of love.  But maybe it's because I'm a mathematician that 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 (mod 3) works for me!!

Arty stuff
Panicking with the essay deadline on Thursday, coupled with a presentation to the class and one to the Tumbling Bay residents as well as being on community lunch meant that when I was greeted with the news that there would be three afternoon sessions to "explore the trinity through the creative medium" I guess I freaked out a bit. Okay a lot. It didn't help that the first session was terrible. I missed the second due to attending Lizzie's nativity presentation and....I skipped the third session which was a visit to an art gallery. I knew I wasn't right no matter how I justified it - so had to apologise during chapel on Thursday and receive forgiveness from Gaynor. Although it was hard, I'm glad I did it as I had essentially been setting myself up above Gaynor and the change in my heart was horrible. It's good to get things cleared.

Essay
You might recall that this essay was on the nature and character of God and I chose to look at joy. Is God happy? Did Jesus laugh?

I was really glad I did this topic as it is something I find a bit weird - I get the fact that God forgives us and accepts us back when we repent - but the bit in the prodigal son where he then throws a lavish party is a bit bizarre - I expect him to send me out to work in the fields next!  The short answer is that he is happy as he is the only sovereign (so no-one can thwart him), he has great joy in his son and creation flows out of that joy - and brings him joy as it declares his glory (that's why the universe is so big!), he has joy in choosing a people to make a name for himself and rejoices in doing them good and working everything for their good!  He also wants to give us the kingdom of joy and make our joy complete and enter into the Father's joy.  Wow!  (PS Those who want copies of my essays are most welcome to them just drop me a comment by clicking the "comment" directly below this blog)

Finished this essay at only 2.30am - so clearly getting better at this essay lark!!!

Joy presentation
Part of this assignment was to give a presentation to the class on our chosen aspect of God's character. There were some amazing and moving presentations. One that particularly stuck out was the dance representing the life journey of two students and God's graciousness (so from the foetus in the womb to a child following God to a teenager rebelling to being wooed back by God's love into His eternal embrace - particularly evocative was the way they simulated being entwined in His heartbeat - and this is from a guy who really isn't into this kind of dance thing - but seriously wow!).

For me I wanted to somehow convey the utter lavishness and outrageousness of God's joy over the repentant Son. So I had one of my fellow students, Simon, carry round a clay model of a sunflower that had taken me two weeks to make representing God's joy. However, he dropped it halfway round and broke it. I was gutted - it had taken two weeks - as I'm really not at all crafty - and it was smashed and ruined. I was upset and went to leave the room mid-presentation. Simon apologised and I forgave him, embraced him and then shouted let's have a party and began throwing out party poppers, balloons, bags of sweets and then taking round slices of cake. I guess by now you realised, as they did at this point, that the whole thing was a set-up (for the record I am rubbish at craft - so my wife made it for me) - but it was fantastic seeing the shock on their faces and the sharp intake of breath when it was dropped and then seeing them grab the shocking nature of the prodigal (wastefully or recklessly extravagant) love of the Father. He is an amazing God - I am so glad that He doesn't love like we do.

Tumbling Bay
We wanted to give the old people a christmas presentation that would make them think more about Christmas - as it's all too easy to just gloss over the Christmas story as it's been heard before.
So we started with how Jesus was around in the beginning with God before he "became flesh", then God's plan for restoring fellowship with mankind after we messed it up then the plan being revealed through many prophets (at least 400 years BC) about the coming Messiah then the story itself.
Also chose some songs that had good lyrics to help reflect on the birth.

On Christmas Day
This is a new Christmas worship song by Matt Osgood available for free download with lyrics and score from resoundworship - I love the words in this - the juxtoposition of all-poweful God in a helpless baby - beautiful - enjoy:

 

Mary did you know
Here's a classic song about the birth of Yeshua the Messiah with video from youtube:

 

Car
Well with our next child on the way it was clear that our current car just wouldn't fit them in! I tried to persuade Jen that one of us could travel on the moped with the other in the car with the four children but she wasn't having any of it.

Picture below shows our children enjoying the new (to us!) MPV courtesy of Jen's parents life saving policy thing (however don't save with Prudential...unless you enjoy terrible customer service and long delays... ).  Oh yes - and Jen trying to work out how it all works - far too posh for us!  We gave Kenna's our old car which he is delighted with...until his family has stolen it off him!!


Christmas banquet
Term finished with the Christmas banquet - an occasion to dress up and eat fantastic food that was cooked and served to us by the staff (I love this aspect of college - that they see themselves as equals before God - and this is one way that they show this practically). It was fab.

During and after the meal were entertainment provided by us students. The best for me was "blind heresy date" - one student whose theology was feeling flat was looking for something to spice things up - it was hilarious seeing the responses of the contestants to the Trinity and the end times and how they imagined their denomination would look if they got together...

Well catch you next week - will be back on time now the holidays are over...hope you all had a lovely Christmas!

My belated 13th week at college

Sorry for the delay - end of term essay crisis again. So will do both the last weeks while I'm on Christmas holidays!

Well an icy start to the week meant that I fell off my moped three times on Monday. Wasn't going at all fast so no damage other than severe shock. Rang highways and got full permission to make use of the salt bin on the hilly corner. However this has meant I have been late every morning and have been missing the devotions. I have to say that this has made a big difference. Going straight into lectures without some time with God really does take the sparkle off...

One interesting side effect was noticing what happens if I come into a time of worship late - I've always wondered about how much "meeting with God" during worship is genuine and how much is due to the emotional atmosphere after a heavy duty worship session. Coming into a session near the end I have no emotionalism created from singing lots - but I could still feel the peace and joy as if it were tangible, which was really refreshing to find out - it isn't all just hype! Just want to get there earlier though...

Christology
We've been looking at who Jesus was and what his sacrifice accomplished:

So his divinity: his claims (which is the reason he was crucified - for blasphemy) and his actions that backed up his claims (ie his miracles and his resurrection)

His humanity - that in addition to being fully God he was also fully human.
Why it is necessary that he was both and so was able to offer the perfect sacrifice for oour sins (and then all the exciting heresies about himm not being one or the other).

His sacrifice (the only way a holy God could establish fellowship with sinful humans is for a perfect human to pay the penalty of our messing up)

His resurrection (what it means and why it is the only logical conclusion given the evidence)

His ascension (ie heading back to heaven)

Dave Perryingo
After a week of enjoying Dave Perryisms, such as "can you see what I'm reaching for", "booga booga land", "it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it", "gazillions" and the classic "stick that in your theological pipe and smoke it", I constructed Dave Perryingo (it's like bingo but has 9 Perryisms in a 3 by 3 grid. Students cross off the square if they hear the corresponding phrase and the first to cross off 3 in a line calls out "Dave Perryingo!"). Did it on Friday and it was a laugh with about 4 people calling out at the same time! Ah, happy days....

Tumbling Bay
Did an alternative quiz this week (ie not general or subject specific knowledge) - with dingbats, crimes, wally questions and another type that I don't know what to call it. They seemed to enjoy themselves...

Didn't get in trouble this week...oh well!

Reflections
Our next essay (due in next week - or 1 week ago when you finally get to read this!) is on one aspect of the nature and character of God. I feel I've looked at fatherhood quite a lot now so thought I would go for something that I am uncomfortable with: joy.

I know it may sound weird - but I imagine God to be a rather austere but loving father - wounded by our sins but forgiving. And I imagine Jesus as the "man of sorrows". Either of them being happy, joyful or laughing just seems plain heretical to me.

So I thought I would delve into this area more deeply so my view of God is balanced and not a reaction to my earthly experieces. I'll let you know how I get on in next weeks update (which'll be posted very soon...honest! )

Godincidents
One cool thing was during the prayer time on one of the last days. Remember how I said that the words last years students gave were uncannily accurate to the students who'd they'd never met and coincided with what other students said (before they'd even heard what had been written before). Well was praying for a visitor and felt this verse pop into my head so I said it to the bloke and he was like - I can't believe it that is THE verse that has meant so much to me since my divorce which I'd let slide for a bit. What is the chance of that - choosing the exact same verse out of goodness knows how may thousands? Cool, eh? God is good - Chris was so enbcouraged! Happy days.

Baby - 12 week scan
Look our jiggly baby - in fact so jiggerly that the picture is blurred! Well looks like another hyperactive child for the Lee household. Ho hum.

My 12th week at college

Welcome back for the next installment...

Well after the last week's dramatics this week was a bit of a come down...though we did have some great feedback on David's eye (you may recall that his retina was detaching again and his vision becoming much restricted, some of the girls prayed for him and it got much better) - he went to see the specialist on Monday who confirmed that it was fine and no surgery is required anymore. Hurrah!

Lectures
We were studying the nature and character of God this week - so looking at His essence (spiritual, self-existence, immensity, eternality), His attributes (omnipresence, omniscience, omnipotence, immutability, glory, sovereignty) and His character (holiness, graciousness, etc)

And having many exciting conversations about reconciling our free-will with God's sovereignty...but that would require a whole blog to itself... so moving swiftly along...

Creative bit
The third day was a chance for us to creatively respond (sounds a bit arty to me... ). But below is my attempt to delve into the fatherhood of God. I hope you enjoy:


Before you were born I knew you.
It was my idea that you were created.
I spoke and you came into being.
My delight in your birth was far greater than your earthly parents.



I am strong; a mighty whirlwind
Yet I am also tender
My gaze perceives all, lays secrets bare, brings down kingdoms
Yet you are the apple of my eye



I move all heaven and earth when you call out to me
I delight in being your helper
Time, nations and galaxies are in my hands
My plans are perfect for you



I know the thoughts of all men's hearts
Yet I am interested in your thoughts
When other may get bored and move on
I am patient and will stop time to spend this moment with you



I am intimately acquainted with your sorrows
I know the words that will soothe you
I am moved with compassion
when others may tire of you



I love seeing you grow up and learn from me
I told the mountains to rise up
I formed the oceans in the cup of my hands
Yet I am a gentle teacher



I created the heavens and the earth for your enjoyment
I delight in each moment of discovery you make
My strong arm is never too short
My reach encompasses the universe
My affection outlasts the stars
I am your father
You are my child.

Third place
Well we did a Ghanian and Romanian culture session at Tumbling Bay old peoples home. It was great to learn a bit more about Daniella's and Beverley's culture.

I was very moved by Daniella's parents laying the table with all the cutlery and praying a blessing over the food when they had none in the house...only to have the neighbour knock on the door when they finished praying with bread...beautiful.

However we did get in trouble as Daniella and Beverley were praying for one of the ladies who was not feeling well. Apparantly that's just not on in the communal area (no "religious meetings"). Probing further about how come they can have a carol concert - the answer was that they can sing but not pray. So we can sing to Jesus but not talk to him. Bizarre! So thinking of some clever way to obey the ruling but still reach the people there with the good news.

Erk!
Well it's late and I'm knackered...so I'll post the 12 week scan of our little one on next week's entry and chat about reflections next time. Catch you later...