My 24th week at college

Welcome back! Yes you did read right - I have missed out 3 weeks...I hope to post them retrospectively - but given my track record I might have to admit defeat.

So what have we been up to?

Synoptic gospels
First things first, "gospel" means "good news" for those that don't know and the synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark and Luke) are three gospels that are similar and can be put together to make a single story (ie form a synopsis).

So the real question is why are some stories in different orders? Is the bible wrong? This was fab looking at this - basically the gospels were a totally new genre of literature at the time (and are certainly different to modern day writing) - they are not biographies but rather written sermons - hence the stories of Jesus' life are used as illustrations to preach different sermons by the different authors. This is also part of the problem of people just reading the stories as they are not the point...fascinating!

So we were looking at the story about Jesus crossing the Sea of Galilee in Matthew 8:23-27 uses it to show the cost of following him out into the unknown (hence all the previous stories about the cost of following Jesus), whereas Mark 4:35-41 uses it in the context of showing that Jesus is King (as parables about the kingdom, then calming the storm - so king over nature, then king over demons, then over the sick and then over death).

He finished off with a challenge to preach the whole gospel - not just give John's gospel of being born again and whoever believes in Jesus will be saved but, say, Mark's gospel of "repent" and "take up your cross and follow me". We need all of them to get the full picture.

New (well new to me) scooter
Well with one month left on the MOT before a need to spend a lot of money to get it through (and that's without resolving the ongoing starter problems) I went hunting last weekend and test driving various 125cc scooters and finally bought a secondhand Honda FES125 - here's a picture of someone else's red one:



Serving and stuff
Our group cooked the meal for the college this week (Lasagne and apple crumble - no not mixed together! )

Yet another quiz at tumbling bay for the residents.  You can tell they've got used to us by the way they told me straight that they didn't want another logic round as it hurt their heads...

Reflections
After doing something that I wasn't proud of, I was wrestling with God on the way to college - I wanted to repent and be right with God but "if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" just wasn't cutting the mustard - whilst it's true I wasn't finding freedom in it - so I was asking for the "right" words to say to help bring real change in my life and in desperation I asked "what do you want God" and I felt the answer come back "I want you".

Man! I'd got so caught up in "doing" stuff for God!  Is it that sometimes I feel unworthy so I try to do "good" stuff that He'd like?  But He actually likes me and He wants me - not my stuff!  The right thing to offer is me!  Doh!

My 20th week at college

Well started the week with putting petrol in our diesel car...which was £300 worth of trouble. that Jennie (my wife) forgave me really highlighted how petty I have been in the past with forgiving her (very small) monetary errors...

Minor prophets
This week were looked very briefly at each of the minor prophets in the bible: Jonah, Obadiah, Zechariah, Micah, Joel, ...

Have to confess I don't remember too much as I was not entirely present in my head.

Tony Gray who led the sessions felt He had a word from God for me (bear in mind as a visiting speaker he knew nothing of my past four weeks of hell):

"God is honing you through hardship to form a sharp tool in His hand"

Conference
The last weekend before reading week was the "European Leaders Conference" which we were able to attend and hear some great speakers...and we got a great rate as we were helping out - and how? Well the group I was in was cleaning the toilets.

We had John Kirkby from Christians against Poverty telling a bit of his life story of how he became bankrupt and divorced and couldn't afford to look after his children. How he has been called to create a Christian debt counselling charity. Who help people with budgeting and take on the big firms and get them to stop charging interest and provide an affordable payment so people can get out of debt and seeing lives set free from oppression. Inspiring! I so want to use my maths in this - and I think our sister church is setting up an office in Witney...watch this space.

We also had Baroness Cox speaking on her work with The Humanitarian Aid Relief Trust (HART). I have to confess I'd never heard her speak or heard much of what she does - but I was overwhelmed. She might talk a bit posh - but her heart and her actions were so down to earth. She showed us photos of her work, sneaking across borders to reach people who are oppressed and persecuted where the major aid agencies don't go because it's too dangerous and also who don't make the headlines. I had no idea about some of the injustices going on even in Europe. I have so much respect for her and hope to be able to support this group in whatever little way I can. Her finishing quote:

I cannot do everything, but I will not do nothing.

Preach it!

Also had Krish Kandiah talking about proclaiming the gospel and the way he seeks to make a difference in his community by, for example, reaching out to Muslim refugees who are ostracised from the Muslim community because they are the minority group. And Glen Middleton who is an very brash American who, I have to confess, made me cringe about how, for example, he would walk into funerals to tell people about Jesus . But in the last 10 minutes I saw his heart as he spoke of how he works amongst prostitutes bringing God's love and acceptance to them (even fostering their children at their request) I realised that this man is totally sold out on bringing hope to people in hopeless situations. Even though my Britishness finds the things he does outrageous I can't deny the effect God has had on people who were destitute before they met our God. Much to think on...

And the toilets? Well I have to say it was a pleasure - it was probably this service that helped me see beyond my small life. God is so good. And doing things His way brings so much more joy than my way...you'd think I would've learnt by now...

My 16th, 17th, 18th and 19th weeks at college!!

Sorry for the delay - but as you'll read it's been a pretty traumatic time and I'm only now starting to come above water...

Week 16
We were looking at Genesis the beginnings of who we are and our identity, purpose, what it means to be made in the image of God and so on.

Jen's eye had been hurting more and more over the week and so she saw the nurse, the doctor, the optician and was then referred to the eye hospital the following week...

Our cooker's oven broke and were offered one from someone in the church network. As we were installing it then oven door smashed...so had to go back to the old one (which doesn't work..)

Then on the Sunday we got a flat tyre (special shout out to Tom & Leila England who ferried us back and forth whilst I eventually filled it with gunk).

Then the front door lock broke and so we had to get a locksmith out.

Week 17
Studying Exodus at college - don't remember too much as was a bit traumatised...

Got the tyre replaced - though later found out I could've just replaced the inner tube...:(

On Tuesday took Jen to the eye hospital where she was tentatively diagnosed with optic neuritus - told it is a swelling of the optic nerve that will result in pain and loss of vision - takes about 3 weeks to recover. Not able to take anything to speed up the recovery nor anything that will really cut the pain as she's pregnant.

Fell off my moped on the way to college on Thursday I think. Got hurt.

Good prayer time - with Joe being very prophetic speaking to me - saying "is there a spirit of self-pity?" and he was so spot on. I want to be the martyr and have everyone notice me and go poor John. Glad to get that nipped in the bud.

Realised on Thursday night that with the 3 essays that were concurrently set, the increased pressure trying to pick up Jen's jobs and all the things that had gone wrong that I was beginning to go over the edge and recognised the signs of depression that I got before from post traumatic stress (disinterest in life, observing myself from the outside, emotional bursts, suicidal thoughts, poor sleep and so on). Had to write a humbling, honest but releasing email to Simon, our principal to say that I was struggling and wanted to quit as I wasn't coping. He responded incredibly fast and said that we'll meet up next week and restructure assignments and the like. It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Friday went to the hospital (again) for our 20 week scan. Here's a new improved picture of our jelly bean (with a flipper!):

Oops!  Forgot to mention - found out he was a boy...very clear from the scan!

Week 18
Studying "Lessons in leadership" with Mark and Nesta Mumford. Whilst not a rigorous analysis of 1 & 2 Samuel, they did share their vast experience of leadership with us. It was great to spend time with such humble and wise people.

Met with Simon, our principal and Dave, our dean and got 2 week extensions - very emotional time for me. Realised just how hard it is for me to ask for help. I try and be so strong - praise God for this time to realise how we can't solve everything ourselves.

The church has been rallying round providing meals and company for Jen. It has meant such a lot to us. :.

Another hospital visit on Tuesday the diagnosis was confirmed though the recovery was increased from 3 weeks to 6-10 weeks and it'll get worse before it gets better. :`(

Also Jen confirmed that it is a possible symptom of multiple sclerosis. Had to make a hard decision to have an MRI scan or not...as may have the disease but it may never manifest and if it does it may take many years and may then only be mild. So if we find we do have it will it then put a cloud over everything. I would've preferred not knowing. Jen wanted to. So backed her up - should have a scan in 6-8 weeks. Pray for us.

Remember that if you pray for God to help love your wife more he won't give you sentimental feelings, but put you through situations that test your love - then it can only die or grow. I'm wanna go for grow.

Oh and then the dishwasher packed up. Is there any appliance that hasn't broken? This has got to be funny - as otherwise I'm just crying lots...:**:

Week 19
Tony Gray doing the prophet Isaiah and how it speaks to our current situation big time.

Had another flat tyre on Tuesday night (same one - another screw - is someone vandalising our car?)

Saw "slumdog millionaire" with the college. Moving...what was the message?
Dishwasher repair man (coupled with sell-you-a-warranty-man) came and fixed the heating element.

Dishwasher broke the first run.

Is this funny? :no:

Was "bushwacked" by Simon, our principal and Mary to chat about how I'd handled myself in the genetics and image of God seminar. I confess it's hard to be rational when the possible ramifications of conversation imply that your two unborn children may not be "in the image of God". But they were right. It was hard. But they were right. Did I really pray that I would mature during this year? It was also hard being "disciplined" (in the most loving way possible) as I have very poor images of authority and have had some bad experiences (ask me about what my head said after I went in tears to his office to tell him that my wife had been diagnosed with clinical depression and admitted...) - so it was so easy to hear only bad things - but good to pray and ask that God would heal this whole area.

Finally finished my overdue essay on sexuality. Looked at "one flesh" and the marriage relationship - how it is a picture of God's relationship with us - in fact Jesus used the very same phrases a bridegroom would use - it was mindboggling how it all ties in. And is sex meant to be an image of our reunion when Jesus comes back? Oh yes.

Much snow meant school was closed and so needed to stay at home and support Jen (sounds so magnanimous I know!) So helped the kids make a snow man, a snow cat and an ig (Can't be an igloo as it had no toilet! :)) )


So where are we now? Well Jen is slowly starting to recover but it's so easy when she feels better to try and do too much then she gets blinding (no pun intended) headaches and needs to cover both eyes for a couple of hours. However she is learning to accept help - and that's a big thing for Jen. And me? Do I love Jen more? Yes. Would I want to repeat these last four weeks? Definately not.

Ho ho!  The fun continues - filled up our new diesel car with petrol yesterday.  An expensive mistake to make draining, cleaning and replacing the fuel pump and fuel...

My 15th week at college

Hello there...well so much for keeping up with the weekly posts - so here's a very short entry and the following week will follow swiftly...honest!

Spiritual Formation
Well term started on Monday 5th January and it was all go with 3 days of Spiritual Formation with Michael Neumann (from a bible college in South Africa).

At age 50, everyone has the face he deserves.
George Orwell

Basically he was talking about too many Christians who meet Jesus as their saviour but miss out the journey of discipleship that follows this initial event. For example 80% of Rwanda called themselves Christians and yet there was a genocide that killed 500k. Clearly there is something very wrong here (for those who want to follow this up do read "After the locusts" detailing God's work in reconciliation and healing of a very broken people - a very powerful and moving read).

He distinguished between the work of the cross (that brought us forgiveness through the death of Jesus) and the way of the cross (that brings us holiness through the death of our selfish "fleshy" self). The journey to become Christlike - not so that we look good but so that we give God glory for the way He is changing us and so that we can serve Him better.

Prophecy
As Sarah Fotherby said "Michael is so prophetic it's not funny".

Michael had many "words" for the group which were uncannily accurate given that he had never met us before this week. One morning we were working with clay to see whether God would speak to us through what we made. He made a pair of dice and said "John, God is saying that you have lived too much by chance..." He then carried on and I was thinking that this really isn't me at all - but he did say John and is looking almost straight at me "...God wants you to be intentional about how you live..." the more he talked the more I thought this is SO not me - this sounds exactly like Jon Kennedy - perhaps he's got confused. This carried describing Jon and not me more and more. He then walked over...past me...to give them to Jon who was sitting directly behind me.

But then he made a batton and looked straight at me and said "You've been on the receiving end of this in your life..." Man! This is so true! And then said "but God's going to make this into a sceptre. He wants you take up the authority He's given you". I was blown away - it was so apt how I have shied away from authority (except when I'm arrogant) and feared having that position.

I think these words were more powerful because each time he described the person's current situation spot on (and so got our attention) and then said what God wanted for us now. Scary but fab.

The sad part was because these were so obviously powerful, it became a bit like a secular Christmas...people all wanting their word from God. Which was a bit sad really.

Reflections and life
It was a bit of a hectic week - my bike didn't start on Sunday so called the RAC. They fixed something (a wire that was shorting) and it seemed to work. Worked...ok(ish) on Monday but didn't start on Tuesday. Took it to the garage and they eventually replaced the battery on Friday but thought the carburettor had trouble so referred me to the local Piaggio garage....

Also Jen's eye has been getting more and more sore so eventually she got taken to the nurse, then the doctor, then the optician and then finally I took her to the hospital eye ward. They thought it might be optic nuritis but wanted us to come back next Tuesday as nothing was visible.

Really felt that God was saying "don't pray for me to come into this situation...I am in this situation, instead pray that your eyes would be opened to see me working". Need this.