My 16th, 17th, 18th and 19th weeks at college!!

Sorry for the delay - but as you'll read it's been a pretty traumatic time and I'm only now starting to come above water...

Week 16
We were looking at Genesis the beginnings of who we are and our identity, purpose, what it means to be made in the image of God and so on.

Jen's eye had been hurting more and more over the week and so she saw the nurse, the doctor, the optician and was then referred to the eye hospital the following week...

Our cooker's oven broke and were offered one from someone in the church network. As we were installing it then oven door smashed...so had to go back to the old one (which doesn't work..)

Then on the Sunday we got a flat tyre (special shout out to Tom & Leila England who ferried us back and forth whilst I eventually filled it with gunk).

Then the front door lock broke and so we had to get a locksmith out.

Week 17
Studying Exodus at college - don't remember too much as was a bit traumatised...

Got the tyre replaced - though later found out I could've just replaced the inner tube...:(

On Tuesday took Jen to the eye hospital where she was tentatively diagnosed with optic neuritus - told it is a swelling of the optic nerve that will result in pain and loss of vision - takes about 3 weeks to recover. Not able to take anything to speed up the recovery nor anything that will really cut the pain as she's pregnant.

Fell off my moped on the way to college on Thursday I think. Got hurt.

Good prayer time - with Joe being very prophetic speaking to me - saying "is there a spirit of self-pity?" and he was so spot on. I want to be the martyr and have everyone notice me and go poor John. Glad to get that nipped in the bud.

Realised on Thursday night that with the 3 essays that were concurrently set, the increased pressure trying to pick up Jen's jobs and all the things that had gone wrong that I was beginning to go over the edge and recognised the signs of depression that I got before from post traumatic stress (disinterest in life, observing myself from the outside, emotional bursts, suicidal thoughts, poor sleep and so on). Had to write a humbling, honest but releasing email to Simon, our principal to say that I was struggling and wanted to quit as I wasn't coping. He responded incredibly fast and said that we'll meet up next week and restructure assignments and the like. It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders.

Friday went to the hospital (again) for our 20 week scan. Here's a new improved picture of our jelly bean (with a flipper!):

Oops!  Forgot to mention - found out he was a boy...very clear from the scan!

Week 18
Studying "Lessons in leadership" with Mark and Nesta Mumford. Whilst not a rigorous analysis of 1 & 2 Samuel, they did share their vast experience of leadership with us. It was great to spend time with such humble and wise people.

Met with Simon, our principal and Dave, our dean and got 2 week extensions - very emotional time for me. Realised just how hard it is for me to ask for help. I try and be so strong - praise God for this time to realise how we can't solve everything ourselves.

The church has been rallying round providing meals and company for Jen. It has meant such a lot to us. :.

Another hospital visit on Tuesday the diagnosis was confirmed though the recovery was increased from 3 weeks to 6-10 weeks and it'll get worse before it gets better. :`(

Also Jen confirmed that it is a possible symptom of multiple sclerosis. Had to make a hard decision to have an MRI scan or not...as may have the disease but it may never manifest and if it does it may take many years and may then only be mild. So if we find we do have it will it then put a cloud over everything. I would've preferred not knowing. Jen wanted to. So backed her up - should have a scan in 6-8 weeks. Pray for us.

Remember that if you pray for God to help love your wife more he won't give you sentimental feelings, but put you through situations that test your love - then it can only die or grow. I'm wanna go for grow.

Oh and then the dishwasher packed up. Is there any appliance that hasn't broken? This has got to be funny - as otherwise I'm just crying lots...:**:

Week 19
Tony Gray doing the prophet Isaiah and how it speaks to our current situation big time.

Had another flat tyre on Tuesday night (same one - another screw - is someone vandalising our car?)

Saw "slumdog millionaire" with the college. Moving...what was the message?
Dishwasher repair man (coupled with sell-you-a-warranty-man) came and fixed the heating element.

Dishwasher broke the first run.

Is this funny? :no:

Was "bushwacked" by Simon, our principal and Mary to chat about how I'd handled myself in the genetics and image of God seminar. I confess it's hard to be rational when the possible ramifications of conversation imply that your two unborn children may not be "in the image of God". But they were right. It was hard. But they were right. Did I really pray that I would mature during this year? It was also hard being "disciplined" (in the most loving way possible) as I have very poor images of authority and have had some bad experiences (ask me about what my head said after I went in tears to his office to tell him that my wife had been diagnosed with clinical depression and admitted...) - so it was so easy to hear only bad things - but good to pray and ask that God would heal this whole area.

Finally finished my overdue essay on sexuality. Looked at "one flesh" and the marriage relationship - how it is a picture of God's relationship with us - in fact Jesus used the very same phrases a bridegroom would use - it was mindboggling how it all ties in. And is sex meant to be an image of our reunion when Jesus comes back? Oh yes.

Much snow meant school was closed and so needed to stay at home and support Jen (sounds so magnanimous I know!) So helped the kids make a snow man, a snow cat and an ig (Can't be an igloo as it had no toilet! :)) )


So where are we now? Well Jen is slowly starting to recover but it's so easy when she feels better to try and do too much then she gets blinding (no pun intended) headaches and needs to cover both eyes for a couple of hours. However she is learning to accept help - and that's a big thing for Jen. And me? Do I love Jen more? Yes. Would I want to repeat these last four weeks? Definately not.

Ho ho!  The fun continues - filled up our new diesel car with petrol yesterday.  An expensive mistake to make draining, cleaning and replacing the fuel pump and fuel...